I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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