Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize