I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
