Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
