His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she looked like the before picture.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
