I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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