wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
