I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
