She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it was like eating out sand paper
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
