she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
