We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
