He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
