I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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