all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
