Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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