I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
