How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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