Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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