Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
