I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
