She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
