Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
