I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Less talking, more tequila
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
