Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize