i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
