Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
