the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize