How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
