we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
