just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
