my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
