the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
