Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
