i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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