last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
