What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
