Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
