im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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