Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize