So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
