how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
