no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
