He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
