I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
