Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
ttyl tear gas
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
