shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
