I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
