nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
3 2 1 whiskey
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
