no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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