I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
