You work out of a Hotel?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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