I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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