They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
