Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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