You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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