Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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