I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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