what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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