it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
