Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Boobs speak an international language.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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