For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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