dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
