This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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