OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize