so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
