I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
