i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
too bad you live with your parents still
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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