woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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