I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
