He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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