This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
