Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
