Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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