Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
